At some point, my brain tried to negotiate a “solution.”
If I slept with someone else, maybe we’d be even.
Maybe the balance sheet would zero out.
I proposed options that felt rational in theory, but emotionally messy in reality.
Eventually, close to our anniversary, he said I had a short window to do something if I truly needed it.
I downloaded a dating app. I talked to someone. I even set up the possibility of meeting.
And then I couldn’t go through with it.
Because the truth was blunt:
I didn’t want revenge. I wanted to feel safe again.
And you can’t outsource that.
